THE GREAT GADFLY: Whar My Gum At? Diaryland Trading Cards!
Description: It's difficult being this beautiful, though it's harder to be common. Strengths: Looking like a hag but feeling like a purple paisley love god; finding ways to sneak Gene Gene The Dancing Machine into political conversations; foam; subverting norms in a single bound; perks the strongest coffee in the Midwest. Weaknesses: Agoraphobic pouts; Diet Coke with Lemon (street name: DiCoLem); temperamental skin; toenails that grow too fast and poke holes in socks; dark black caffeine rings around eyes successfully fend off potential paramours; is generally a scouling, weathered hag; in fact, will probably be commonly referred to as "that old hag" when he is in the winter of his life (if not already so called). Special Skills: Can give someone the finger in over 500 different presentational styles (and counting); can find new albums on day of release for half price in used bins; can create an analogy for anything by referencing feces; master of the incomprehensibly athematic mix-tape. Weapons: Wilma Flintstone's hand-me-down PC; a stereo donated by the cast of "Gummo"; toxic snowglobes; cumin, curry, cayenne powder and lemon juice. Aliases: "That Old Hag", "Mildew Muffins", "Ol' Crumblecrotch", "Piggy Piggy Oink Oink", "Current Addressee", "Mr. Sour Butt Smell", "Steven Segal", "Love Dough", "Tara Reid", "Phlegmpallonia", "Mrs. Dash", "Filthy Bitter Bastard Who Needs That Ass Whupped" and "Lemon Fresh Joy". 2003-10-14 - Last Haiku 2003-10-09 - Don't Cry Out Loud 2003-10-09 - Sit Down, You're Making Me Nervous 2003-10-08 - I'm Sure Miss Thing, I'm Sure 2003-10-07 - Carbonated Water, Caramel Color, Aspartame
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