THE GREAT GADFLY:

Ass Like Me

I'm not worthy - IT'S ALL JUST TOO MUCH!!!

So okay, let me start by at least finally answering the questions asked of me by Baltimore's finest Boy of Wonder. I think at this point, the rules of this blog interview ritual are that now I have to ask you all if you'd like me to ask YOU five questions, which you'd answer in your diary or weblog. So, like, okay. What about it? Who's game? I am up for this - I am a question-asking MF. C'mon. Don't be shy.

1.) Why do you call your journal "The Great Gadfly"? What exactly is a "gadfly"?

To be very honest, I forget why I decided to name my diary "The Great Gadfly". Well, I remember I wanted to call it something with the word "gadfly" in it, but then someone very near and dear came up with the "great" part, and the whole Fitzgerald pun schtick. Typically, a gadfly is another term for a greasy wheel. It's someone who whines and kvetches and complains a lot. So there you go.

2.) If you could have any 5 people (celebrities, historical figures, absoloutely anybody you wanted) over for a dinner party who would you choose? What would you serve?

There are two ways I can answer this question. I can either be very earnest and indulgent in my scenario, or I can be snarky and all post-modern smartass about it, which is probably the more entertaining option, but oh lordy, I'm just not feeling oh so entertaining today. All the same, I can't think of five people I would want under the same roof at the same time. All I can visualize is Little Edie Beale, Janis Joplin, myself and a fully stocked bar. I don't think Little Edie would approve of Janis - in fact, I think she would be absolutely scandalized - but after a couple of cocktails, we'd all three doubtless be doing cuban dances to old Rolling Stones albums.

3.) What song best represents you and your life right now? Why?

Umm..."Saved" by Swans. Because it's a song about someone who feels absolutely blessed and revived, and has no idea why.

4.) If they were going to make a movie of your life, who would you want to play you?

It all depends on if we're talking about a) the TV movie version of my life, b) the indie flick version of my life or c) the mainstream blockbuster film version of my life. Respectively, I would choose a) Jon Cryer; b) Oliver Platt or c) Meg Ryan.

5.) What is your own personal philosophy on life? What's it all for?

If I had a personal philosophy on life that was worth a damn, I wouldn't have evil Kryptonian neighbors like Zod & Ursa, who set bags of glow in the dark green Krypto dung on fire in front of my doorstep and then laugh out the window at me when I go down to get my mail. I would have found a way to party with my crazy Amish gal-pals, or at least have figured out a way to take time off work long enough to hop on the buggy with the gals on their big roadtrop to Ozzfest this summer. Unfortunately, I know nothing. I am a sham and a fool. Whatever you hear about me that is bad is true. All compliments about me are horrible, horrible lies. If reality television is the entertainment of tomorrow, then telemarketers are the rock stars of the future. There. That is my philosophy. And drink less coffee if you can help it. I know it tastes good, but seriously.