THE GREAT GADFLY:

Terence Trent D'arby Eats Btchy's Ass Egg Salad

I rediscovered an amazing combination over our glorious Fourth of July weekend.

You will scoff. You will laugh. You will chortle. Oh, you will mock.

Well, to hell with you anyway.

That's just the way it is, and I don't care about much else, except for the copy of Terence Trent D'arby's greatest hits I got in the mail today, much to my surprise. So maybe I SHOULD say:

And that's just the way it is, and it doesn't matter what anybody says, I know I'm right.

But it would be unfair for me to leave out this part: I finally put in my air conditioner over the weekend, and I don't think I would be enjoying anything as much as I do now that my apartment isn't a droopy soggy humidity trap. I like a hot summer day as much as the next lemonade enthusiast, but there comes a point when you realize your domicile is becoming a giant unwashed nether region, and that just doesn't fly so great with this gad. So:

Btchelicious is upset with the Blockbuster bastard people about the fact that they are fascists and dig on being mean all of the time. You know, I'm down with the Btchy, so just because I'm feeling so down with giving power to the people and in fact would be listening to some Patti Smith in Btchy's honor right now if not for this Terence Trent D'arby album, I will make yet one more amendment:

I think I've made myself perfectly clear. Thank you for your time.

Oh, but wait...

I'm kind of broke this week, so when I decided to do this whole egg salad thing, I wasn't able to do it up the way I wanted. You see, I think the absolute perfect egg salad sandwich involves a leaf of lettuce as garnish and an ever-so-thin slather of chutney on the pumpernickel bread. Then the egg salad, with just a weeeee bit of hot paprika dusting the embryonic chickie goo. I can't find any good chutney in my nabe, and lettuce always goes bad before I can get much use out of it, and I couldn't afford to make the effort, so I guess what I listed above could be a bit better. But whatever, that's my claim and I'm stickin' to it, and I'm not going to revise shit anymore because I'm just as tired of the joke as you are.

Hoka hey.

(Special thanks to Btchy for titling today's rant - don't know what I'd do without ya, kitten!)