THE GREAT GADFLY:

Luv De Lux

I can't wait to read this book. Oh, I know I'm late once again, and everyone's already read it and cawed about it and made their recommendations. Did you know it takes me about three weeks to read a book? Well, it does. I'm a slow reader. SO LAUGH IT UP.

I don't think I have any cognitive disorders. I just like reading books slowly. I like meditating on paragraphs. I like scribbling down phrases I like. I like staring at a word for five minutes until it loses its shape as a word and turns into a hieroglyphic. I like smelling the inside spine of a hardback book. Some people can breeze through a book in a day. I always wonder if they retained anything from the experience, or if maybe they have superbrains and I'm just a lower life form with all the memory of a VIC20.

Not that I'm self-conscious about it or anything.

But anyway. I can't wait to read this book. It's about sin. It's written by a sex columnist. This is the kind of shit I need in my life right now. LESS WAR. MORE DONKEY SEX.

I'm not sold on the main branch of the Chicago Public Library. It's like a big, harshly-lit habitrail made out of blonde wood. Of course, the main branch of the New York Public Library is just plain UGLY, not to mention everything good is always either checked out or stolen.

Ya know, as much as I'll gladly wrinkle my nose at the very mention of my home state, the nicest library I've ever encountered is the Indianapolis Public Library. It's big and old and beautiful and the collection is sooo eclectic and amazing...it holds all the art and culture and knowledge and experience that the city of Indianapolis lacks. The main lobby is breathtaking. The whole place is just inspiring, honest. Nothing ever stays the same for long in Indiana - landmarks become strip malls and historical sites become Burger Kings - thankfully, the library's fate shouldn't be so fickle.

I'm not sure what book I read last. Whatever it was, I'm sure it was memorable. I haven't been much in book-reading mode over the past few months. I've been reading New Yorker articles over the past few weeks and buffing myself up for an actual tome. I think I'm ready. I think so.

You know what else I need, other than a good dirty book about the donkey sex?

I need some god damn rock 'n' roll. The kind of stuff that doesn't save souls.

Ain't nothing good about it that I know. Yup, I need some god damn rock 'n' roll.