THE GREAT GADFLY:

Q & A Hell

Kimya's Friday Quiz Thing

x. name = Puddin' Booty

x. birthday = Mid-August

x. piercings = I've always had a thing against putting more holes in me. It seems as if I have too many as it is. My mother's tried to get me to pierce an ear. A former boss actually took me to a piercery (ye olde piercery!) and offered to pay. I don't know what it is about people and my earlobes. But they're staying virginal and untouched. Hell, some part of me might as well be.

x. tattoos = I have one. A lion on my left arm. I want to put a preying mantis somewhere. Maybe I'll tattoo a mantis on my earlobes, shut some people up.

x. height = About fifty apples tall.

x. shoe size = When you stop acting like this, maybe we can do the twirl.

x. hair color = Oh crap, didn't I just answer this recently? I wear a rainbow wig.

x. length = I wanted to grow hardcore gnarly mountain man hair this winter, but after I woke up with Flock Of Seagulls bedhead one too many times, the shag had to go. Now it's buzzalicious.

x. siblings = Only brat.

x. pets = I had a potted violet for a while, but it's just dead.

last...

x. movie you rented = "24 Hour Party People". Any movie with Ian Curtis and Shaun Ryder as main characters has gotta be good times.

x. movie you bought = I can't remember the last actual MOVIE I bought, but I got "The Man Who Fell To Earth" as a Christmas prezzie, so that'll have to do.

x. song you listened to = The last song on Iggy & The Stooges' "Raw Power" album.

x. song that was stuck in your head = "Fuck and Run" by Liz Phair

x. song you've downloaded = I don't like downloading songs, though ask me that when I own a computer that doesn't run on four "D" batteries and doesn't require an umbrella and a speak & spell to connect with the Internet.

x. cd you bought = This week I got a two-disc Gavin Bryars anthology.

x. cd you listened to = "Raw Power".

x.person you've called = My muddah.

x. person that's called you = The Neener.

x. tv show you've watched = The Voluptuous Horror of Michael Jackson

x. person you were thinking of = I can't help thinking of me.

do...

x. you have a bf or gf = I'm swingtacular, baby. My grandmother recently described me to someone as "a confirmed bachelor". I thought that was kind of gross. But oh well.

x. you have a crush on someone = Every time I walk out the door I develop dozens of crushes. I can't keep track of them. Chances are, I have a crush on YOU. Ooh-ooh-ooh.

x. you wish you could live somewhere else = Constantly. But if I actually moved there, I'd want to move somewhere else again. I'm either a ne'er-do-well or a nomad at heart. Maybe both.

x. you believe in online dating = I want to date the guy who delivers the groceries I order online. I should pull a "Postman Always Rings Twice" and seduce him with a cup of gin. Oh, wait. I don't order groceries online. DAMN! Maybe I'll at least order a bottle of Pert Plus or something, see what happens.

x. others find you attractive = I think more now than in the past. I'm aging well. My liver spots are really sexy.

x. you want more piercings = I want to, like, pierce my butt. Huh-huh. Heh.

x. you want more tattoos = Yes. And rockabilly hair.

x. you drink = If you call waking up in a puddle of your own stink and sporting a liver that resembles a regurgitated wad of what was once rye bread "drinking", then yes. I drink.

x. you do drugs = What the hell, I'm a freakin' health nut.

x. you like cleaning = This week when I was sick, I was so wacked out on fever and cold medicine that I actually got up on a chair and cleaned the blades of my ceiling fan.

x. you like roller coasters = I don't know. It's been so long since I've been on one. I got a bloody nose from one once, when I banged my face against the safety rail. Shoulda sued their asses. Oh well.

x. you write in cursive or print = I worked in an architecture library for a couple of years in college, and I taught myself how to write in that nifty squared-off architect's handwriting. Over the years it's mutated, but it's still kinda purty.

x. you carry a donor card = It says "donor" in tiny letters on my state ID. Does that count?

have you...

x. ever cried over a girl or boy = I've raged and moped and listened to way too many Cure and Annie Lennox albums, but I don't think I've ever actually boo-hooed. But I'm not a big boo-hoo-er.

x. ever lied to someone = Oh, HELLZ yeah. Or, rather: NO! No, I haven't! Heh. Not at all, never. Haw haw haw...

x. ever been in a fist fight = I got punched in the mouth a couple of times but I didn't hit back. Once I was getting bullied when I was a kid and I bashed the guy's head into a basketball goal. I made him pass out and I felt really bad about it, but I didn't get in trouble for it because the guy was a known bully and I was a known wimp. So that was nice.

x. ever been arrested = Yeah, once, because one Halloween we thought it would be really goth to break into a cemetary and play with a Ouija board. Thankfully, we were discovered and detained.

what...

x. shampoo do you use = I likes me the MOP basil-mint shampoo. Yummy yum. When times are tight and I gotta be cheap, I use Suave ginger/vanilla stuff.

x. perfume do you use = Perfume grosses me out and gives me a bad headache and a sore throat.

x. shoes do you wear = Oh, I don't know. I hate shoes. I'm not even sure if I wore any to work today.

x. are you scared of = Car crashes, spiders, waking up to Satan sitting on my chest, government cabals, Little Richard.

number...

x. of times I have had my heart broken? Let's just say I haven't. Every time a heart is broken, it mends and then the next time the heart is broken, it redefines what heartbreak is in a way that makes the previous broken heart kinda moot. At this point, all of what I used to think of as "heartbreaks" seem kinda silly.

x. of continents I have lived in? Just one. Though one day I plan on being incontinent.

x. of drugs taken illegally? Oh my god, millions. I have at least forty syringes hanging off my arms as I type this. It's great.

x. of people I would classify as true, could trust with my life type of friends? Oh, I try not to qualify friends like that. Too much pressure.

x. of people I consider my enemies? I've been told that the entire state of Montana hates my guts. They're currently proposing a new state flag design depicting me kissing the bare ass of Elmer Fudd. I'm not really sure what this means, but I'm not happy about it.

x. of cd's that I own? Enough to thoroughly embarrass me.

x. of scars on my body? Aside from the track marks and the face-lift scars, not very many.

x. of things in my past that I regret? You know, Johnny, it's a funny thing about regret. See, it's better to regret the things you HAVE done than it is to regret things you HAVEN'T done. And if you see your mom this weekend, tell her I said....