THE GREAT GADFLY:

Hack Need

My fingers, I tell you - you can break them all you like, but they only heal stronger and type faster.

Last night ended with me in bed, watching BET's comedy showcase - they've moved their flygirl dancers and caterwauling audiences from New Orleans to Miami ("Caliente!"), and I thrilled to the all-new depths of PC-phobia contained within their trash-talking lunatic programming. My favorite moment was when a hulking house of a woman took the stage, huffing and screeching about "HONEY, YOU KNOW I LOVE THE GAYS - MY SISTER'S ONE AND SHE SAYS NOBODY EAT IT BETTER THAN ANOTHER WOMAN - IF THAT'S TRUE, OOOOH, I DON'T EVER WANNA GET MINE EAT UP THE RIGHT WAY!!!" Followed by close-up on a female audience member, nodding with cocked neck, slowly mouthing the words, "you know THAT'S right, HAAAAAY!"

I read yesterday that John Waters has reportedly responded to our president's recent request that Americans reflect upon the excellent deeds of their past by deciding to write his next film, "A Lowdown Dirty Shame", in the style of his glory-days gutter-punk films, "Multiple Maniacs" and "Pink Flamingos". Who knows if Uncle John still has it in him, but I for one am excited to see him take his best grunt and squeeze it out with a hearty plop.

Every heart that's been broken
Is a heart with a hole
Every heart that's still open
Is the seed of a soul
- The Residents