THE GREAT GADFLY: You Get Mad At Friendster
So I just can't figure this Friendster thing out, you see. Even my most Internet-phobic pals are raving over this thing, and all I wind up doing is responding to e-mails from total strangers asking me to publicly profess my association with them, which of course I do, regardless of the possible implications. Maybe I'm a sucker that way. It's just that "Saddam H." had such a disarming profile, and the picture he posted of himself was a cute little monkey, so how could I say no?
I have no idea what I'm doing when I go on this site, and I should probably be banned before I cause some kind of unseemly imbroglio.
I called up my Internet guru buddy, Granny Clampett, to see if maybe she could hook me up with a few Friendster pointers and perhaps set me on the right path. It took her forever to answer, because her nephew Jethro bought her one of those new cell phones and she keeps trying to answer the remote control for her craftmatic adjustable bed whenever someone calls, and horrible bedside sandwiching incidents occur. I feel bad for Granny sometimes.
Me: Hello, Granny?
Granny: I CAIN'T HEAR YOU DARLIN, I DON'T KNOW WHAT END WHUT TO TALK IN, DAGNABBIT -
Me: Granny, listen to me: I don't know how to use the Friendster.
Granny:I'M CHASING A FROG OUT BACK CUZ I'M FIXIN' TO MAKE ME SOME MOCK-POSSUM STEW.
Me:So, about this whole Friendster thing...
Granny:I DON'T BELIEVE IN THEM NEW FANGLED COMPUTIN' MACHINES, THEY'RE POWERED BY WITCHES AND I WON'T HAVE IT IN MY HOME, BOY!!!
Me:But Granny, the Internet is an information-rich boon to modern technology!
Granny:I DON'T CARE IF IT'S MY PAPPY'S UNDERDRAWERS, GIT AWAY FROM THAT DANG DEVIL BOX, YA HEAR?!? NOW GO OUT YONDER AND FETCH ME A SWITCH -
Me:I can't have anything nice.
Granny: get back here you dang frog, oh agh AWWWW TARNATIONS I JUST FELL INTO THE CEMENT POND AND I CAIN'T GET OUT!!! JAAAAAY-THROWWW!!!!
So I left Granny to her wacky hijinx and set to fixing me up some vittles of my own. Ultimately, I decided that I want to learn how to play autoharp. I think it would be easier than mastering Friendster. And perhaps sexier?
2003-10-14 - Last Haiku
2003-10-09 - Don't Cry Out Loud
2003-10-09 - Sit Down, You're Making Me Nervous
2003-10-08 - I'm Sure Miss Thing, I'm Sure
2003-10-07 - Carbonated Water, Caramel Color, Aspartame