THE GREAT GADFLY:

Phoning It In

I don't think you people have any idea the amount of grief I go through, just to try to make you all smile.

Do you have ANY idea how many people have found this diary as a result of typing in DWARF PORN on Google?

Let me tell you how many: A LOT.

Where do these people come from? Will one of you dwarf porn afficionados come out of the dwarfy closet and share your desires on my guestbook? I'm totally serious. I want to know about the dwarf lust. I am sorry I don't provide true dwarf porn and the only reason you found me is because I mentioned it a while back in a diary entry about drunken Amish girls, but I can only do so much. I'm trying to reach out to the Dwarf Porn Community here - this is my olive branch to you.

And then there are the ROCK BITCHES people.

I don't think I'd even HAVE a diary if it weren't for all the people visiting Gadflyland via Googling "Rock Bitches", every day, all the time, constantly and non-stop. What are they looking for, I wonder? I mean, okay, sure, maybe it's obvious. Bitchy people in Rock'n'Roll. But maybe they're looking for geologist bitches. Maybe it's not so obvious at all. I mean, it's a big world out there, and people have lots of needs. You can't be presumptuous anymore these days.

Still, it has to be a disappointment to know that when they do a clicky on my Google, the only thing they'll find is a picture of Liberace. I'M SORRY, Rock Bitch Fans! I truly apologize! But again, if you want to leave a post on my guestbook about your Rock Bitch needs, maybe I can hook you up with the proper Rock Bitch source, and you can do lots of amazing Rock Bitch things together.

Really, I just want everyone to be happy. I'm not out to bust anyone's balls, honest.

To be honest, this entry was going to be a shameless plea for people to post pictures of the sourpuss mother from the TV show "7th Heaven" on my guestbook page. I can't find any decent pictures of her at all, and I really want one where she looks especially sour. It shouldn't be so difficult, since it looks like she mainlines overripe lemons to begin with. Maybe I'll just have to pull a John Waters and take pictures off the TV, and do an original sourpuss "7th Heaven" mother photo exhibit at the local sub shop. But if someone finds a nice hot cuppa sourpuss scowl and can post it on my guestbook, I'll send them a spiffy compilation CD with many ass-shaking songs. And the ROCK BITCH and DWARF PORN people are so totally eligible to play, honest. Seriously.