THE GREAT GADFLY:

Ill Communication

These damn prank phone calls are getting on my last nerve, though I have a pretty good idea who's behind this one...

Hello?

- Hello? Hello?

Yeah, hi.

- Hello. This is Spiderman. I am on to you, Doctor Octopus. I am on to you.

That's good.

- Nobody knows who I am, you know.

Uh-huh.

- I want a Krispy Kreme.

Well, yeah, they're awfully good, aren't they?

- This mask scratches my face some. It irritates my skin. I should take it off.

Sounds like a plan, my friend.

- But then nobody wouldn't not know who I am anymore, and there would be mayhem on the streets.

Is this about my phone bill? Because I paid it over the phone earlier today.

- My name isn't Bill! I am Spiderman! How dare you interrupt my super powers!

Sorry about that.

- Do you like ducks? I think I like ducks more than I like balloons. But I like flowers more than ducks. But I think I like balloons more than flowers. How can that be? Huh, mister? You tell me how that can be.

Right.

- Why can't I have a Dunkin' Donuts Coffee Coolatta delivered to my gazebo? I like rockets. I mean, I REALLY like rockets.

I have an incredibly sharp sinus headache right now.

- I am hungry for the chicken soft taco. Do you want a chicken soft taco? I will get you one, I will UPS it to you. I can do that, I can afford it. I am a very rich man.

I don't want a chicken soft taco.

- I am Spiderman. Nobody knows who I am. I will conquer you, Doctor Doom! You sound sad. Are you sad, Doctor Doom? A saddie?

I have to go now, Spiderman.

- Saddie? Saddie-man? I will buy you a taco, saddie-man. Three tacos. Three! I've got - oh look, there is some sequins in my hair from when we were playing dodgeball with the baby. HEY, DON'T LET YOUR SISTER DRINK THAT, IT'S ALCOHOLIC I'm Spiderman and I will UPS you some tacos I gotta go, bye -

[*click*]