THE GREAT GADFLY:

Ten Reasons Michael Jackson Freaks Me Out



If you didn't see it last night, here's a summary.

1. The cuddling/hand-holding with a 12-year-old boy during an interview sequence. Apparently not MJ's boyfriend, but rather a boy who happens to be his friend. This scenario made Powder look like Grumpy Old Men.

2. The visible wig line and frantic make-up patting during the last interview sequence, in which Michael literally and figuratively comes unglued.

3. MJ's Las Vegas shopping spree, in which we get a taste for his (lack of) taste in furnishings and decoration. Apparently, if it's gilded, features a jade gargoyle, and has thousands of fleur-de-lis sculpted into it, Michael will buy it. The interviewer asked, "don't you think it's a little tacky?" Michael: "You're crazy - you're silly!"

4. MJ balancing his infant child, nicknamed "Blanket", on his shaking-out-of-control knee, simultaneously wrapping a green scarf around the poor thing's head and attempting to jab a bottle into its mouth.

5. The masked duo known as MJ's children.

6. The explanation of his plan to adopt two children from each continent, a boy and a girl, in an apparent attempt to create a cult even more bizarre than Heaven's Gate and ClonAid combined.

7. To one of his impatient masked offspring, during a Vegas shopping mall fan onslaught : "Sometimes Daddy has to sign autographs, okay?"

8. The fact that when MJ rented space in a Vegas hotel for the summer, he needed to bring along some creepy mannequins that looked like old drunk people, and a beat-up Jolly Green Giant statue.

9. The fact that his nostrils are tiny little perfect triangle shapes.

10. The general impression that the most painfully bad parody of Michael Jackson is the man himself.


2003-10-14 - Last Haiku
2003-10-09 - Don't Cry Out Loud
2003-10-09 - Sit Down, You're Making Me Nervous
2003-10-08 - I'm Sure Miss Thing, I'm Sure
2003-10-07 - Carbonated Water, Caramel Color, Aspartame

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